Ryan Murken

Your Prep Sports

20 years is a long time.

I got a sharp reminder of that fact over the past week.

Sunday marks 20 years since my father passed away. On some occasions it seems like it’s been more like 20 days since the last time I saw him. But most of the time it seems like a lifetime.

20 years.

In the time since his death I’ve grown up, gotten married to the love of my life, had three incredible kids, switched jobs a couple of times and moved a few more.

My dad didn’t get to be a part of any of that.

The coach of my tee ball teams never got to see me finish my college baseball career.

The business man that taught me to pursue my passion and do what I love never got to see the career path I chose.

The husband and father I looked up to never met my wife or held his grandkids.

The avid sports fan that I grew up sitting with through freezing cold football games or travelling to baseball games with never got to see his alma mater win a bowl game or the St. Louis Cardinals win their last two world series.

On those types of occasions, I find myself thinking about my dad, wondering if he’d be proud of me or what advice he’d have for me.

Even after 20 years those questions never leave.

As Sunday approached it hit me that I’ve spent more time without a father than time I had with one.

That thought stuck with me.

20 years is a long time.

So, finally I’m doing something I’ve always avoided – writing, or even really talking, about my dad.

After spending most of my professional career telling other people’s stories I decided to write down part of my own.

I learned a lot in 19 years with my dad, even though our time together was cut short he’s a huge piece of who I am as a person.

Most of what I learned from him has never left me and has played a pivotal role in making me the father, husband and man I am today.

I realized this week that what I’ve learned in the 20 years without my father has been every bit as important as what I learned in our time together.

20 years after his death I realized the most important lesson I learned from my dad is to take every moment to be a parent.

Don’t let a single day slip by without giving your kids a hug or telling them how much you love them.

Spend as much time with them as you can.

If you need some ideas for things to do with your own kids, in honor of my father, here are 20 things to do with your kids. (Forgive the sports theme, that’s what I did as a kid and what I do with my kids).

It doesn’t matter how old or young your children are there is probably something here that will fit and if none of them work for you, do something else.

Just spend as much time as you possibly can with your kids. That’s what I learned from my old man.

After all, 20 years is a long time. Give them something to remember in 20 years.

Play catch: You don’t have to be a Field of Dreams fan to go have a catch. You don’t even have to throw a baseball. Toss the football around. Kick the soccer ball, bump, set or pass a volleyball. Use a tennis ball, a bouncy ball or an old pair of socks. Whatever you’ve got, use it and go play catch.

Go to a road game: If you’ve got a favorite team you’ve probably taken your kids to a game or two. Change it up. Take a road trip. Go to a new stadium and take it all in.

Listen to a game on the radio: Falling asleep on the floor with the sound of Jack Buck calling Cardinals games was a summer staple for me. Spending Saturday’s listening to college football games on a paint-covered radio in the garage or the AM radio in the car are some of my best memories.

Read a book: Reading is always a great activity and can help spur interests in different subjects for children. I only had one real interest as a kid – sports. I learned to read by cutting headlines from old sports pages and still have a shelf filled with football preseason magazines and autobiographies on athletes and coaches passed down from my father.

Ride a bike: Skinned elbows and knees aside riding a bike is a must. I forgot until recently how much I loved it as a kid.

Make an all-time memory: Want to go to the Masters? The Rose Bowl? A World Series? Whatever your dream sports trip is do it with your kid. Sharing it with them will double the experience.

Stay till the end: My dad never left a game early. NEVER and there were plenty of opportunities (remember he was an Iowa State grad that watched football through the 80s and 90s). That mentality never left me. Consider it a metaphor for finishing what you started.

Teach from your mistakes: I got a lot of these drilled into my head over the years like never make the first or third out at third base or don’t throw a cross court bounce pass. Some are long-time sports rules and some were probably from personal experience but they all stuck.

Make up a game: Half the games we played growing up came with rules we made up as we went. Those were the best. My personal favorite was what we called ‘blooper’ where my brother and I stood 90 feet apart and my dad tried to throw a pop up that landed between us. Great for working on diving catches!

Go to a Final 4: I never went to a Final 4 as a kid but I’ve been to many as an adult with my brother. It’s a blast and I can’t wait to take my son to one.

Go camping: I don’t like camping. I sleep terrible and I’d rather be watching sports BUT the quiet time is relaxing and leads to some great conversations.

Find your hidden gem: They are out there you just have to look. The perfect fishing hole that only you know about, the open field for grounders or batting practice, the minor league stadium, the restaurant you always hit on the way home. Find a spot that is unique to your child, it makes it special every time you go.

Take the long way: My father was famous for taking the long way and turning a 10-minute drive into a half an hour ride with the windows down that almost always turned into a talk about something. In other words, take your time, you don’t have to hurry all the time.

Find their forever sport: I was fortunate enough to play sports through college but the older you get the less opportunities there are for football, baseball or basketball games. Find a sport your kids can enjoy forever. Golf, tennis, running or racquetball are a few I’ve tried (and been terrible at) but still enjoy.

Pass on your passion: Got a favorite team? Pass it on. Kids will eventually pick their own favorite team and that’s great but if you are passionate about following a team tell them why. My kids know why I watch the teams I do (spoiler, it’s because of who their grandpa cheered for when I was growing up). That passion will spill over into other things they do.

Let them tag along: I didn’t realize it growing up but I was blessed to have a father that I could go to work with. I didn’t always enjoy it as a kid but I hold tight to those memories now. If you have seen me at games you’ve probably realized my life is one never ending ‘take your kids to work’ day, often out of necessity. It can get tricky at times but I love it.

Go to a local event: Everyone loves the atmosphere and excitement of big-time college or professional sports but minor league, small college or high school is a great way to get up close to the game and for kids to learn the sport for a low price and from a great seat.

Play the role: Bottom of the ninth, two outs, bases loaded. Ten seconds left, down my two. Whatever sport, whatever imaginary scenario kids come up with, play it out. Get into it. My neighbors probably hear me counting down the clock as my kids fire up buzzer beaters on the hoop all the time. Make it fun. Set the scene. Be a kid yourself.

Give them a home field: Our yard growing up was one giant sports complex. We painted a 3-point line on the driveway, built a backstop and pitchers mound in the front yard and mowed football field lines and putting greens in the grass in the back. We dented garage doors with baseballs, broke windows with golf balls, trampled flowers and even snapped off a couple small trees all in the name of playing and my parents let it all go (with the exception of the broken window) without much complaint. They knew we loved it and it kept us outside. When my kids run through the flowers or kill the grass I remember what I heard my dad say as we were growing up. “We’re raising boys, not grass.”

Love Them: I’ll end with that, because it’s that simple really. Love your kids. That’s what I remember most about my dad is that he loved me and 20 years has done nothing to fade that memory.